Saturday, September 19, 2009
對不起
taking a break from work, i went to dig out the past letters i received, and realized, the most (long) letters i had received was from sheila.. and most of it, was about how sad she was... because i am the cause of it.. i was that irritating, insensitive, selfish bitch kinda sister to her.. i did not know what is treasuring her and such.. i was possessive, i expected EVERYTHING of her... im just a shit la... and she, never fail to stand by me, explain things to me, tolerate me.. and i, actually was so "brained washed" by another friend, whom i never thought of anything strange about.. but being 25 years old, 15 years of friendship with that someone, even boyfriend ask me to not be so close to her, oh wells, i see e strange thing in her now thou.. but i dun blame her... i still choose to believe her family, her home, her childhood is the cause of her personality.. well, she treats me as her bestfriend... (i choose to believe its sincere thou) even when she does all the weird things to me again and again...
back to sheila, yah... i was never understanding, we could have been even closer.. but i, was the one who stopped our friendship from growing... and to this day, im really regretful of that.. if i had known how to treasure her, my life would have been different.. because i was possessive, because i did not know how to love... i did not know how to trust.. or rather, i trusted those who i should not, and i did not trust those who i should... i dun believe in my.. then, boyfriend... i do not believe that he, and his that best friend, could be just friends.. and even when sheila wrote it in her letter for me, i brushed off that sentence telling me to trust him coz he's actually quite poor thing.. well, now that i re-read it... it did speak to me in fact... and i was glad he's getting engaged next yr, and getting married the year after!
back to sheila... haha! she's the link to my many past... anyways, if i had known how to treasure her more... love her more... i guess my life would be completely different... and it may be something which i wanted... well, its amazing how people leave footprints in our lives... how we shut some off.. and open our heart to those who are just coming to hurt us... because we cannot predict the future... so we make wrong decisions at times.. but well, these are also times where we learn.. for me, i learn to love, i learn what is love, i learn to accept love, and i am learning... to let go love... some love, are never to be let go off... these are the loves... which i want to keep in my heart...
for sheila, i can only say infinity of sorrys to her... because... i do not know... she's juz that one person.. whom i had hurt the most number of times.. URGH! if i can turn back time... i would have been a better friend!
back to sheila, yah... i was never understanding, we could have been even closer.. but i, was the one who stopped our friendship from growing... and to this day, im really regretful of that.. if i had known how to treasure her, my life would have been different.. because i was possessive, because i did not know how to love... i did not know how to trust.. or rather, i trusted those who i should not, and i did not trust those who i should... i dun believe in my.. then, boyfriend... i do not believe that he, and his that best friend, could be just friends.. and even when sheila wrote it in her letter for me, i brushed off that sentence telling me to trust him coz he's actually quite poor thing.. well, now that i re-read it... it did speak to me in fact... and i was glad he's getting engaged next yr, and getting married the year after!
back to sheila... haha! she's the link to my many past... anyways, if i had known how to treasure her more... love her more... i guess my life would be completely different... and it may be something which i wanted... well, its amazing how people leave footprints in our lives... how we shut some off.. and open our heart to those who are just coming to hurt us... because we cannot predict the future... so we make wrong decisions at times.. but well, these are also times where we learn.. for me, i learn to love, i learn what is love, i learn to accept love, and i am learning... to let go love... some love, are never to be let go off... these are the loves... which i want to keep in my heart...
for sheila, i can only say infinity of sorrys to her... because... i do not know... she's juz that one person.. whom i had hurt the most number of times.. URGH! if i can turn back time... i would have been a better friend!
4:24 PM 
